Am I Doing This Right???

So we are coming up on a month of having the boys with us!  Although they are sweet and pretty well behaved boys (considering their ages LOL), I feel stressed out every day.  My precious baby girl is also having a hard time adjusting.  I hear constant yelling because someone took her toy, looked at her toy or called me mommy (they mimic what they hear from her).  We are all still getting used to our changes and, although I feel it getting better...we have a long way to go.  We've considered a few times early on that maybe we should submit our 30 day notice and just move along.  Then I have to think about WHY we are doing this.  It's getting us out of our comfort zone.  It's putting us OUT there and fulfilling our duty on earth.  These boys need a safe and secure home and we have that.  So why do I feel frustrated every day?  Why do I want to hide in my room?  Am I a bad parent?  Should we stop fostering?  Any advice on how to handle a house full of 3 and under kiddos is greatly appreciated!

 

I also miss having a social life!  I need friends.  I need friends to have a girls night and I need friends who want to have play dates.  I really think that if we could just get out of the house every now and then, each of us would be better for it. 

 

As far as the plan, it sounds promising, but it's still early.  Mom has signed up for all of her classes, shows up to every visit and sounds very focused on getting her life together.  There is a hearing in 2 weeks and every 3 months after that. At the 6 month mark, they will see how she is doing and then they will have a better idea of the boys' future.  The judge in our county is pretty strict so he expects her to follow her plan perfectly.  For the sake of the boys', I do too.  Our oldest one obviously misses her and it breaks my heart when he has a sad day!

 

 

Now I'm off to get baby girl so we can have a girls only afternoon! :)

 

Sad

Tonight I had a silent heart to heart with our oldest boy. He had a wonderful day running around and having a great time. Bed time was going smoothly as usual. He quietly went to lay in bed (he doesn't talk much anyway) and I tucked him in, said goodnight, then walked out the door. About 10 minutes later he was standing in the hallway! His eyes were so sad. I walked him back to bed and sat at his side! I rubbed his back and told him that I knew he was sad. He whispered "mommy". My heart instantly broke. As tears rolled down my cheek, I assured him that we would take care of him and keep him safe. I could feel him take a deep breath and relax. 

I can't imagine what his little heart and mind are feeling! I'm sure he is so confused and even in his moments of giggles, there's a little sadness. He's such a sweet little boy and has experienced more than most. Prayers for peace over him!!! 

The Few Things I've Learned...

Just some thoughts to document my feelings since I know at some point in my life, I'm going to look back and barely remember some of this!

1. Boys are way different than girls!  I know everyone is saying "no sh**" right now, but until you actually experience it, OH MY GOSH!  My little girly girl who wears jewelry, bows and carries a purse doesn't know what to think about these boys who will just run into eachother for no reason - or run their cars into eachother and crack up laughing!  We girls are very confused :)

2. 3 children 3 years and younger DO NOT always play with eachother.  I thought "great, they will have instant playmates"!  NOPE!  Sometimes they are fine but most of the time they are fighting over something like a white Lego. 

3. Mommy really values her sanity.  Nap time, although I would love to be cleaning or napping, has turned into just sit and do absolutely nothing.  I stay as quiet as I can so that I can juice that nap for as long as I can and regain all of my marbles!

4. I grieve my family that once was.  I know it's been less than a week, but I grieve my family prior to the boys: One little person to put to bed - Fast grocery store trips - Worry free playing at the park - One bath - Potty trained little girl.  Selfish?  yes.  In the same breath, I understand that these boys need us AND in the grand scheme of life, the time we devote to loving them and keeping them safe is minimal yet crucial. 

5. Praying does wonders for the mind.  Every night when I put the boys to bed, I rock each one of them and say a prayer over their heads!  The calm and peace truly help to clear my head.  OH...and prayer works! :)

6. My house stays cleaner and more organized with 3 kiddos than it did with 1.  I also cook a decent dinner every night and have managed to take a shower every day! 

7. I'm really impressed with my patience. 

8. Foster kiddos are still kiddos.  They still play, laugh, run, cry and learn.  They cannot be discounted or pushed to the side because of a situation they had nothing to do with.  They cannot be thought of as a "burden" or "messing up plans".  There are no consequences or mistakes...only purpose.

9. I need a social life more than ever!



HOW IT ALL BEGAN:
http://operationdodson.blogspot.com

Wow...That Was Fast!

As most of you know, we had a foster placement on Friday afternoon.  Two little boys - 3 years old and 20 months old!  Although we were asked SEVERAL times by both CPS and Buckner if we thought we could handle 3 kiddos 3 and under, we were confident that we could!  FALSE! JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL...the first 24 hours were the most stressful 24 hours I've EVER experienced.  I literally cried for the first day and a half and most of the time felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't get off of the couch.  Chase and Zoren were awesome by stepping in and taking over the house.  Something that I would normally be doing.  These poor little boys!  They are really not any more trouble than any other kiddos their age.  It was totally not them...it was me!  Of course a lot of if was very selfish.  We had a great vacation planned for the weekend and then off to my mom's for the week.  We still brought them on our mini vacation, but I felt so restricted trying to keep up with all 4 kiddos! Needless to say, it ended well then we headed home.  Today has been our first NORMAL day at home.  Chase had work today but I'm off all week so that helps to set a schedule for the boys. 

We managed to all wake up and get breakfast on the table.  I miraculously managed to get all 3 kids to sit down at the table for all 3 meals and they actually ATE their food.  Amazing!  I also got them all down for naps, played outside, snack time, played with flash cards and still kept my house from falling apart and most of my sanity intact.  By the time Chase got home, I thought I was going to pass out!  All kids were bathed and in bed by 8:30 (well....except for the little girl sitting next to me now WIDE awake)!!!  I'm so tired.  I don't think I give enough credit to stay at home moms with multiple children! 

HOLY MOLY! 

The boys have a visit with their mom tomorrow morning so I'm curious to see how they are when they get home!  I know their mom is probably missing them more than they know.  From my understanding, they have never been away from her and she was very concerned about where they were going and who was taking care of them.  The reasons for their departure from her is still a little foggy.  The little one has an old burn on his back that was never treated and got pretty infected.  He was in the hospital for a couple of days to have it treated so that may have been the spark.  He's doing great though - he's such a trooper! 

So now at the close of day 3, we've decided to at least make it into next week when they start going to daycare.  If at that point, we feel like it's still not something we can handle, then we will let CPS know.  We have an amazing Buckner case manager who is very sympathetic to our needs and fears (and kudos to our previous case manager for being a great confidant this weekend when I was losing my mind)!!!  This has definitely been a learning experience for all of us. We have a much better understanding of our capabilities and what patience really looks like.

I placed an ISO ad on our local online garage sale Facebook page looking for a car seat and met some pretty wonderful ladies that are also foster mommies!  I know that God placed these boys and those ladies in my life for a purpose!  It's hard to question things when you know there are no mistakes!  I'm also very thankful for the friends in the area who have offered their homes, hearts and ears to me in order to relieve some stress!  Oh - and I can't forget everyone that has called and had to listen to me cry like a wimpy baby lady - big THANKS for that!

Tonight I have some specific prayer requests for you:

 

- for the boy's mom, that she is able to follow plan and be reunited with her babies

- for the boys, that they continue to be comfortable in our home and learn to trust us a little more every day

- for Chase, that he find the patience and compassion I know he has in order to be a role model for these boys as long as they are with us

- for Aubrey, that she continues to enjoy having instant playmates and learns a life lesson along the way

- for me, that I'm able to have patience and sanity to do the best for these boys and love them and keep them safe while in our care


HOW IT ALL BEGAN:
http://operationdodson.blogspot.com