So I felt something yesterday that I haven't felt in years! I was reading Facebook (duh, what else would I read LOL) and came across a gender reveal post for a 3rd baby of a friend of a friend and I got a little sad. Not sad like I used to be...just a little. Now please don't take it the wrong way because I am so freakin' excited for my friends and family expecting babies and I love seeing pictures, learning the gender, reading updates, etc!!! This is my own inner battle. The sadness that if I want a baby that we can't just "try" - I go thru a process. Even then, it's not necessarily permanent. It's selfish and I know that. It is what it is!
Then a second later I see Aubrey come around the corner and my eyes fill up with tears. This is the baby that God has given me. I was lucky enough to be her mommy from (almost) day one! This is the one who calls me mommy, cries when I leave the house, excited to see me when I pick her up from daycare, cuddles with me on the couch, reminds us to say prayers before meals, sings her ABCs to me in the car everyday, helps me clean the house (clean up, clean up)! My little mini me! My life! My perfect, sweet, crazy little baby girl! Then I thank God for the struggle I endured. I understand it now. This is what it was for. This beautiful angel baby is the reason I cried so many tears at the idea of never getting pregnant. She's my miracle baby and I couldn't imagine life without her.
I also have to be reminded that the 2 little boys who have dominated our home over the past 5 weeks were not sent to us by accident. They have allowed us to feel the craziness of a full house and enjoy every minute. They may not be with us forever, but during there time here we are learning patience (even when we thought we had no more to give), unconditional love and selflessness. Life lessons for everyone in our family. In return, I pray that they take with them memories of us and our love for them.
I give all thanks to God for the blessings that are right in front of my face. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself - my life is full of wonderful miracles and beautiful gifts from God!
That our daycare situation clears up SOON and that we won't have to move the boys from the daycare they love so much!
The boy's mom - that she continues her plan and keeps a clear head so that her babies can be with her again because I know they miss her terribly.
That we feel peace about the "system" and all of the administrative hiccups we've encountered so that it is not a deterrent for future foster placements in our family.